Good morning. The sun is finally out, after being out of sight for the last… I don’t know, four days? I actually got excited yesterday when it came out just in time for sunset in the evening. And to think I’m trying to get into Cyberpunk Red now, a game that is all about gray, depressing vibes…

Sipping my coffee in the kitchen at my usual spot (see day in the life) I was thinking about how much work I have to do, the usual sense of not doing enough.

It doesn’t matter how much I worked yesterday and to what extent (I was drained toward the evening); the self-judgment is still there. The guilt. Feeling like I’m a phony. If I dwell enough on these thoughts, they’d borrow in with flashes of the past.

I’m learning to make peace with these thoughts and try to let them be. There’s no satisfying them, so instead, I try to give them a nod of acknowledgment and do my best to ignore them for the rest of the day. Some days it works better than others. I think that being open about those thoughts might help: if I put these emotions out there openly, I can’t be a liar. I’m not really hiding anything.

That’s enough for now. I think I’ll get myself to go out for a run, get it out of the way, let the skin soak some sun, and take a refreshing shower afterward.

Happy Wednesday!