Lifestyle
I need to make some changes
Yesterday I went to the cardiologist for a physical stress test. That’s the kind of test where they have you run on a treadmill on an incline with a bunch of wires attached to you to check how your heart and your circulatory system work. I asked for this exam because of hereditary high cholesterol levels that are raging in both my mom and dad, and going back to my grandparents.
I’m usually an active guy who tries to exercise every single day on my gym equipment here at home. I’m far from being “jacked” or anything like that, but I’ve never been overweight, and all in all, I’ve kept an almost vegetarian diet for most of my life (chicken breast twice a week or so). I cut out cheese and dairy from my diet completely about two months ago. This will only help somewhat; it will probably only buy me a couple of years before I have to take medications, probably.
I was happy with the quality stress check they did on me yesterday. It was long and thorough. They took the time (about half an hour) to check everything before they put me on the treadmill. The test itself started fine, I walk every day (even on short days, I try always to take the stairs), and I was comfortable even at high walking speeds with an incline. But when they had me start running, I was out of breath within minutes.
This is a test that is designed to push my comfort levels. To get to that point, they had to include higher speeds and additional incline, but still, I didn’t like how fast I was uncomfortable with jogging. I used to have the ability to switch to what I call “running breaths,” where I breathe through my nose and exhale through my mouth and maintain this for a pretty long time. At my best, I would go for more than an hour at a low speed before I stopped, still comfortable. I was never a fast runner, but I was in decent shape. Yesterday, I had to ask them to stop. I was lying on the bed after the run so that they could check my heart rate, and I was breathing hard and couldn’t hold my breath too long when they asked me so that they could check me.
This annoys me. To this point, I’ve been fairly flexible with my exercise routine, and to be fair, I got around to it most days of the week sooner or later (sometimes after a nap, as I still have my sleeping issues). But these are strength exercises with weights, and they are usually short, around 20-30 minutes or so. I tried to pick up running a few months ago, but I let my daily workload at my job and the rising temperature convince me to give up on it.
These days, a week doesn’t go by where people close to me are telling me that I work too much, probably because that’s all I talk about. I can make adjustments to my sleep hygiene, but I know it will only go so far. I’ve been sleeping too little and making up for it later in the day for some five or six years, and I’m able to adjust to a degree.
The problem with running is that it needs to be a morning habit. I need to wake up early and have enough energy to go outside. I can start by walking and go on from there - this is my usual Jedi mind trick - but the time of day must be the morning because there is no later time for running. That’s a problem because of my sleep, which is a problem because of work, and the little time I already have for myself as is.
About Dunbar and (not having) Relationship Circles
I have an indirect problem with the Dunbar number and measuring relationships in circles. It’s not Dunbar; the limit is how many close (or best) friends I can have. That number (the Dunbar number) makes sense to me. It’s more that I don’t really have these circles people talk about.
While I have some form of a hierarchy in my relationships, I probably don’t separate them the same way most people would. For one thing, I’m non-monogamous, which means I don’t have just one “life” partner. I gave up on trying to make this monogamous model work for me a long time ago. For another, intimacy does not automatically mean sex to me, which I feel is heavily indicated when people say “intimate.”
So now that I look at these charts, what are my circles? If I’m comfortable with someone and feel close enough to them (good friend? best friend?), an intimate connection is possible, at least for me. There’s no separation. You could argue with me that an intimate relationship could maybe “promote” someone from a “good” friend to a “best” friend, but that’s not true for me either, especially if you mean sex.
Now add to that the fact that I’m child-free to this confusion (I don’t want to have kids, and neither do my partners), and the whole family unit model goes out the window.
OK, so where do I draw the circles?
That’s the thing. I don’t think I have circles. Maybe one circle, which is more like a cloud of “good friends” (which includes close friends, best friends, whatever friends) and just people I know. These folks can move closer to me and further apart, as they have over the years. Beyond the cloud, there’s another level of acquaintances, people I have a routine with (like co-workers) that are something Nick calls recurring strangers. And beyond that..? I don’t think I have much of anything. It’s just people.
So, I don’t know. I never quite fit into these norms, and I still don’t. For me, it’s just how I live.
Harmony of Tea and Coffee
I’ve been dividing my day into two parts recently: coffee AM and tea PM. Both have been giving me happiness recently, especially as the days get shorter and gray.
The coffee ritual takes place around 06:00. I have three options to choose from: the regular “American style” drip coffee (Mr. Coffee), pour-over (Chemex), or espresso. I usually have two kinds of coffee beans: espresso roast and specialty coffee that I try out, usually with the Chemex.
Depending on how much time I have and what I had the previous day, I make a jug big enough for me and my two partners, so each one of us has at least one mug of bean juice. I usually don’t add milk to pour-over coffee, as I like to taste it clean and appreciate the flavor. Later, I will use the same coffee in the Mr. Coffee and add just a bit of milk (usually almond milk, rarely oat milk, never cow milk) to top it off and chill it a bit.
I used to drink more coffee at work, but after a co-worker decided to stop drinking coffee, I got us “hooked” on tea. I also “blame” Alex Schroeder for my renewed love of green tea. I know a good store in Manhattan that sells high-quality loose-leaf tea, so I’ll get us a bag that would last for about six weeks. I make the trip downtown myself whenever I’m out of supply of Lung Ching, my favorite tea, to replenish my own stash.
Around 19:00 (that’s 7 PM), my desire for a hot (never boiling) cup of green tea kicks in. I then sit in my armchair in my room, relax and concentrate on my breathing, halfway meditating, and go through most of the mug. This usually helps me re-focus my thoughts on writing in my journal, wiki, or for my blog.
My coffee and tea routines act as an anchor for my day. As time passes and I keep at it, these are two “seeds” in my day from which I can grow whatever branches of tasks and projects I want to do. It’s a good way to evaluate time and do something nice for myself. Of course, I can’t always have my coffee and tea. I tried to “make up” for those before by getting tea or coffee outside, but usually I end up disappointed. Besides, there’s nothing quite like making a good cup of tea or coffee for yourself.