The Art Of Not Asking Why

I woke up a second time (this is what happened the first time) and cleaned out my projects in Emacs. I had 12 projects, a mix of finished, canceled, and active ones, but now it’s down to 4 💪.

Woke up a bit after five in the morning. Mind racing, thinking of unfinished tasks at work, trivial ones, but when you’re half asleep, you don’t have the sense to convince yourself of that until you’re more awake.

Installed Micro.blog for macOS again. Discovered Grammarly stopped working outside of Safari again. Reinstalled. Meanwhile, I saw my feed on Micro.blog, where @javbel said, “Two things about this”. It’s a nice cover for Mad World, so I felt like listening to Mad World. An hour later, my browser tabs look like this, by order:

1. The Curious Meaning of ‘Mad World’ by Tears for Fears.
2. Tears for Fears - Mad World | The Story Behind The Song.
3. Wikipedia: Tears for Fears,
4. Wikipedia: Mad World.
5. Wikipedia: Bath, Somerset.
6. Wikipedia: The Primal Scream.
7. YouTube Music: Mad World (TFF version).
8. YouTube Music: Mad World (Garry Jules version, AKA the Donnie Darko version).
9. Reddit: Which Mad World do you prefer: Tears for Fears or Gary Jules?

Did you know Mad World was originally written by then-unemployed 19-year-old Roland Orzabal (Tears for Fears) while his girlfriend worked three jobs so he could stay home and look outside the window playing around with his guitar? He watched people going to work from above and came up with the lyrics (see link 2 above).

Such a dark powerful song, influenced by primal therapy (that link I opened just now) nevertheless, about lack of feelings on one hand and feelings about death on the other, and Orzabal had no idea. Listening to the TFF version, I believe it: it’s punchy, upbeat even.

Garry Jules, on the other hand, who did a more true-to-form (or true to lyrics?) version a couple of years later, performs the perfect version for Donnie Darko and what I believe is the song’s true meaning.

How can a 19-year-old teenager who doesn’t need to work for a living create something so different than what he is at that time? Can we experience feelings that are completely disconnected from our daily experiences (…." daily expiii-riences…." in a Mad World tune, as playing in my head right now)?

It’s possible that at the time, Orzabal had some suppressed feelings (if to go by the theme of the book), and those did come up in the song, but listening to the song he created with Curt Smith (who ended up singing it), I don’t believe it. He wrote about what he saw and read, letting his creativity take over. Then the song was out as its own entity, something separate from its creator, like a child born to parents, and they are alike but also different than the parent.

The feelings we express are entities in themselves, based on our experience, but do not reflect them completely. I find the whole thing funny but also kinda sad. Time to go to try to sleep again.

I’ve noticed several times now that certain apps I installed on the Mac “disappear” or lose the permissions I gave them before.

TechSmith’s Snaggit is one example, and Grammarly is another. I’m still on Sonoma. Is this a thing other experience?

I cursed and paused the app mid-set. It wasn’t the first time, second, or third (I stopped counting after that) that the steel from my weights bolt splintered into my fingertips, left unprotected with my gym gloves.

It wasn’t the only thing I disliked about my traditional adjustable disk dumbbells. The other issue was changing weights between sets: when one exercise requires 20 lbs and another requires 15, you need to unscrew the bolt, take out the 2.5-lb disks at each end, replace them with 5 lbs instead, and tighten the bolt again. Imagine you have four alternating sets like this, and you have to repeat it each time. It’s a pain.

Then there’s bulkiness. The disks are pretty big and flat, and I’m a small-ish guy. The size of the disks makes it hard to do certain exercises that require me to hold the weights close together or when I need to lower them to the floor, and their size prevents me from lowering the weight fully.

At some point in June, I decided to try Amazon Basics rubber hex dumbbells to see if it improves my exercise, and that got me pissed off - because I hadn’t thought about it sooner. The difference is huge.

Above, you can see the difference in size between the disk weights next to a hex one I got more recently. To the lower right, one of the bolts I have to tighten on top of a disk. These suckers are the one that keeps splintering. I am placing them on cardboard so I don’t scratch the floor.

With the new weights, I don’t need to switch between weights quickly, so my exercise sessions are more fluid and more fun. I can do the exercises as intended, improving my form and isolating the muscles I need to work on. The hex-rubber weights mean I don’t need to worry about the floor (the apartment has a white wooden floor, a genius idea), and they don’t roll away from me when I place them down. I can even use them for support as push-up handles. And no more splinters.

I can’t believe it’s already been two full weeks since I shifted into this new role at work, but here we are. I was called in by someone high up who knew me well from my previous position. He offered me a managerial role in my old department, where I cut my teeth being IT*

While the title itself will be discussed further, and while I do not manage anyone directly (I’m probably not going to be anyone’s direct boss), managing things is, pretty much, what I’m supposed to do. It requires much more understanding of day-to-day IT operations than I ever had before, and I am truly grateful I’m surrounded by people I already know who had the patience and knowledge to teach me in the past.

On a personal level, this means my daily schedule goes out the window. It already did, as I hit the ground running. Some operations can take place only early in the morning, while others take place on weekends (those of you who do patching know what I’m talking about). On the other hand, the bulk of the work usually slows down in the afternoon. My remote work options are also shifting, as much of the work I’m doing so far involves meeting people - new and old - in their different locations, and access to certain systems means I need to be on-site.

My brain has been firing on all cylinders and then some. I woke up at 3 or 4 AM for several days right into brainstorms, which ended only after I wrote down notes or sipped cold seltzer while looking out the window at lit windows around me in the city.

Sleeping was so bad, in fact, that I decided to try some “Not Pot” CBD gummies again. It helped to a point. This is a rough transition. Not only am I dealing with a role I haven’t done before, and there are many more responsibilities, but I am also still in my old role. While people around me understand if I need extra time, we don’t always have that option. Things need to get done.

I’m no stranger to changes such as this one, and I have faith in myself that I will not only manage to deal with everything eventually but also do so well. This is not out of boasting or showing off, but because I know myself. I care to know, and I know to care (sometimes too much). There is a cost in time and energy, and I need to remain aware.

Writing here helps somewhat; thank you for reading. If the blog slows down, I believe it will only be temporary as I adjust.

While this wasn’t my first position in IT, it was the first serious one where I learned and grew in this career.

An opportunity showed itself at work and I grabbed it. It’s been a lot of work, since I still have all the responsibility of my current role while I’m stepping into the new one. Writing here slowed down a bit as a result, hope to write more tomorrow.

Good night all, hope your week was exciting!

So I made the salad from fresh farmer’s market vegetables. Cucumber, tomatoes, red onion, garlic, dill. All fine cut with a manual shredder I got as a gift years ago. Very juicy with lemon, salt and pepper, this qualifies as an Israeli salad.